Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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