after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so let's talk penis.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
