meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
