i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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