never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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