I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
