my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Rumble strips road head = magical
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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