I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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