I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
