You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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