bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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