You're completely useless in the revolution.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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