If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize