I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
