dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
