When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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