My brain says no but my pants say off.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
