having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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