is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
