we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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