Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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