nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
so much tequila, so little girl.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
