just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
