I am in a vortex of obligation.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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