proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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