I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
