It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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