The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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