you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
