I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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