ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
