oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just threw up on my dentist
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
