he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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