She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
