she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
