Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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