If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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