Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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