He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ladies don't puke and tell
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
