Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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