I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
