Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
