It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
