she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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