I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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