i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
