omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
