you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
