Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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