dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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