I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
