He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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