did you get engaged???
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
