i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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