5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
