I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
