Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
