New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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