9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
