Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
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Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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