I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
