It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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