Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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