he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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