your room smells of hookers.
And success
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
