So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
