when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
