So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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