to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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