O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
