In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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