Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
