I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
