Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
