I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
