I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Houston, we have a squirter
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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