Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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