2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
