it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
