i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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