is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
