So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
