Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
