why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
