So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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